My nipple is on Facebook.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
