Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
