bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
