Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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