I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
