Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
