New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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