when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
