Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
...so i touched it.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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