The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
