6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
