i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
