Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
