it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
