there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think people are normalizing furries
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
