my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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