It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
