Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
