Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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