My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
