Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
