so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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