Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
