ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just want nice things and good sex
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
