He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
