I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
