Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
