Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
