was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
