Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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