lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
