Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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