honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
