Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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