There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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