if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
