Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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