toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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