Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
