some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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