So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
