a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
