I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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