I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
