also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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