Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
