It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
