Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
