If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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