Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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