I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
