you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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