I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Acid is not a monday night drug
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
